In order to love, you have to be willing to labor. Love doesn’t come easy. It takes work. To have a career you love, fall in love and love yourself – you have to be willing to commit to doing the hardest work of your life.
My grandmother was an excellent cook. She was the queen of casseroles and excelled at making and meticulously decorating tea sandwiches. Tea sandwiches are a thing of the past nowadays, but back in the 1950’s and 60’s they were a delicacy enjoyed at festive occasions like bridal showers, baby showers, Easter brunches and birthdays.
There was a process to her sandwich making and that process included a community of women. Every day, her dining room table was filled with women of all ages and races. They gathered at Mrs. Oaks’ house to make sandwiches. Some rolled the bread, some cut the crust, some spread the inside filling, and some decorated. Oh the decorators! They were in a league of their own. We all wanted to be decorators, but I never got past crust cutting.
The cool thing about my grandmother was that she allowed Jody to be “normal.” As he got older, she let him smoke a pipe and drink a glass of vodka while he watched his beloved Philadelphia Phillies baseball team. He felt like a man and it showed. His smile lit up the world. I loved teaching Jody new things. He was the brother I never had. I practiced the alphabet with him and helped my grandmother exercise him on the parallel bars. I always threw my arms around him and kissed him all over his face. His heart would burst.
Jody wore his heart outside of his chest. Every time my dad entered the room, Jody would cry. He was always so happy to see his brother. They shared a bed growing up because my grandmother constantly took in family members who needed help. My dad gave up his room and he never had a bed of his own bed until he went to college. He and Jody were very close, as was his sister Sally Lou, my beautiful aunt for whom I am named.
Jody was the heart of our family. He was the reason why my grandmother started her business. And it was the business that allowed for a community of women to connect every day at my grandmother’s dining room table. The community of women helped my grandmother make sandwiches. But it was Jody who kept them coming back every day.
Whenever a customer arrived to pick up their sandwiches, my grandmother would carefully bring their order to the door and say in her sweet voice “Don’t tilt the boxes.” Those sandwiches were her babies. They were made with love and that love was carried to other family’s tables. My grandmother loved making sandwiches and my grandmother’s sandwiches made people happy. When you do what you love, everyone benefits. Doing what you love spreads connection, community and joy. Working hard at love always pays off. And that is why my grandmother, Marion Johnston Oaks, is the fiercest of all love laborers and is my inspiration for lovespeaks.
